True Friendship

"Blood is thicker than water."
--English proverb

That just does not sit right with me. It is a concept that I have been struggling with and hopefully by the end of this post I'll have it figured out. Family is to be loved, but are friends that far from being family?

I find the term 'friend' inadequate when describing the relationship between two people. I could have a friend that I have grown to love, understand, and would entrust my life to, but I also have 'friends' on Facebook that I have seen once in my life and it would take me several minutes just to recall their names. Friendships form for various reasons, here are the ones I can think of:

• A shared past. A person may be your only living connection to cherished memories. You two may travel on separate paths now but remain close due to a life you shared before.
• A common lifestyle. A person who has hobbies, activities or is involved in a career similar to yours can be reason enough to lead to a strong friendship.
  
• A similar personality. Someone you feel you knew before you met them. A person who's past experiences, upbringing and limitless other factors have created a personality that you can relate to immediately on many levels.

But there is clearly something more to friendship than what I have stated above. I believe, that regardless of how friendships are formed, true friendships, the kind that are strong and everlasting, can only be attained if there is a mutual desire to:

• Trust - Forms the foundation. Without trust, no form of true companionship can be established.
  
• Support - Confirms the relationship. In times of need, those who stay by our side are those we can truly call friends.
  
• Entertain - Sustains the relationship. Trust and support may prove sincerity, but it is the act of sharing the daily joys and activities of life that reinforces an everlasting friendship.

Friends that fit all three of these friend factors are individuals I can compare with family. These people have chosen to trust, support and entertain. Family is a bond by chance, friendship is one by choice. And for that reason, family members and friends that fit my description of a true friend are made of stuff that is thicker than blood or water.

Sadness

An imaginative mind dwelling in sadness is a recipe for addiction. Depressing thoughts fuel the fire of creativity, but it is a temptation we must resist. Test yourselves with this video and try not to get addicted. (I really just wanted to share this beautiful song.)

Exile - Enya
(make sure to pause the background music first)

Euphemisms

Anything in excess is normally harmful to some degree, and language is no exception. When a word or phrase is used excessively, it starts attracting negative associations and eventually leads to feelings of utter annoyance or spite every time it is uttered.

There is a simple work around to this that I like to use. Just ask the source of annoyance (usually a loved one who is only trying to help) to use a substitute word. When selecting an alternate term, pick one that is associated with joyous memories. This way, not only will you find yourself in a pleasant place when you hear the word, but you will be more inclined to performing the task if one is being requested.

Inadequate examples:

Phrase --> Substitute

"Could you take out the trash?" --> "Could you eat all the strawberries?"
"You should finish your homework!" --> "Let's paint the walls purple!"

Well like I said, those were inadequate examples, but only so you can search your own soul and find something as pleasing for you as strawberries and purple are for me.

Emotion Switch

Stress, Anger, Frustration. Are they all natural emotions that cannot be controlled or are they the result of a weak and untrained mind? Strong and prolonged negative emotions are known to take a toll on the body, then why do we let these feelings roam freely in the psychical realm causing harm to our physical selves?

"You just can't help it sometimes..." seems to be the most common response to the question and it seems to be the least believable. These emotions create vicious cycles: feeling frustrated hinders concentration, getting angry only escalates the situation, and feeling stressed only discourages you from resolving the issue. In this cause and effect paradigm, the effect only reinforces the cause. These feelings also lead to insomnia, depression, panic and a whole array of irrational behavior. Nothing good ever comes of this, instead we end up causing more pain to ourselves or others around us, and so it is merely not logical to dwell in these states of mental instability.

Something that has worked for me is an intangible concept that I call my Emotion Switch. The idea is as basic as ideas get, but clearly it is effective enough to deserve a post dedicated to it. As the name implies, I feel that given enough practice, one can merely turn a negative feeling 'off'. Depending on the severity of the situation it may take significant effort to perform this mental action but it has always worked for me. Here is an attempt at explaining my thought process when using this 'switch':

1. Acknowledging that I am experiencing a negative feeling.
2. I may experience resistive thoughts like (i) feeling this way can be temporarily relieving, or (ii) I have the right to feel this way. These thoughts are countered by a firm belief that
   
3. this feeling is hurting me (and possibly others) mentally, physically and spiritually. It is only making matters worse and my negative feelings are growing stronger. I am not controlling this emotion, it is controlling me.
   
4. This emotion is a creation of my mind and if I can create it, I have to be able to destroy it.
5. As there is no logical purpose for this emotion's existence, I am able, willing and ready to end this feeling and either resolve the issue at hand with a clear and focused mental state, or be patient and relax if the situation is currently beyond my control.
   

This is not to be confused with repression. It is vital to 'let go' of the feeling, not to simply ignore it so that when it resurfaces, it is even more intense.

Using this switch has proven to keep me sane, functional and relatively optimistic during the most demanding and/or difficult situations I have faced. Some may say that I have probably led a relatively trouble free life so far which is why I can so easily dismiss such emotions. In response I can only smile, reminisce... and wish that that had been the case.

Expectation

"Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed."
-- Mel Brooks

I've come to realize that one could read all the great quotes in the world but hardly gain any insight on life, but all it takes is for one to find her/himself in a particular situation and the most common quote can become a source of immeasurable wisdom.

As all my friends are aware (to the point of annoyance for some), I have become a firm believer that your perception of life and everything in it relies on what you expect of it. It's a simple thought, but it seems that people constantly ignore this reasoning and continue to be the victims of disappointment and distress. The beauty of this way of thinking is not just so that you can avoid the great misfortunes of life, but also so that your day to day life can be made more enjoyable. A trivial yet model example is when you go out to the movies. Regardless of how poorly made the movie is, if you expect nothing, the experience will be far greater. And the reverse is just as applicable, hype kills great movies all the time.

Where this philosophy really matters is when dealing with other people. However, just because you expect nothing from someone does not mean you treat them like nothing. It's vital to always "hope for the best". This way, you treat them well and any sign of intelligence that they display will always be a pleasant surprise for you. The benefits are endless...you are never disappointed, only pleased, you are always prepared for the worst, and you never gossip since you are never surprisingly appalled by anything (something I need to work on).

So the next time you are going to a movie based on something mindless and trivial, like a Hasbro toy or a violent video game, or a sequel of a highly anticipated movie, let go of all expectations (verbal self-acknowledgment - even if it sounds like a lie - helps) and regardless of what the critics have to say, the 9 bucks will be well worth it.